All My Hopes Slip Under [Joshu]

[Cody Burune]

11:14 pm, April 5th, 2010
Joshua Akero's apartment


The note was slipped under the door to the apartment late at night, and the boy stared at the door for a long moment, stomach tied in a knot at the thought of what he had just done. He sighed, shivering, and pulled his jacket closer around him. Now it was time to make the long walk back to the school. He wasn't looking forward to it, but... hopefully, it had been worth it.

In a last thought, he pressed the door bell for a quick second, listening to it toll, and crossed his fingers. Please, let this be okay. Let that bell not be tolling his own funeral, please.

[Joshua Akero]

It was just another drawing. It wasn't in a different style than the others or with a new pencil. It was just a variety of simple sketches scattered all across papers. But the pictures were all still so unique compared to everything else he drew. After all, Joshua never drew himself. Yet, all over the papers were his drawings of himself. After the day he'd drawn the picture for Cody of him and the other boy under a tree, he realized that he should draw himself more often. It's not that he didn't have the ability to do it. He could do it. Really, he could draw himself quite well. But he had forced himself to practice more because he had come to believe that, for Cody, he'd be drawing himself a whole lot more often. But he continued to crumple up most of the pictures and throw them at the nearest trash can, which was already overflowing with past crumpled papers. He wouldn't throw them out, but he still crumpled them and threw them in that direction so that he wouldn't have to see them.

Josh's grip on the pencil was tight and he was getting annoyed at these pictures. He was about to start another, probably the twenty-third, when the doorbell rang. He froze completely, lifting his head with a rather confused look in his eyes. Who in the world ever came to Josh's house? Much less rang the doorbell rather than burst in randomly. A couple times now, he'd had other teachers wander into his apartment without asking. Clearly, they had been drunk but Joshua always forced them right back out the door and told them to go find their own bed to sleep in.

Putting down his pencil, he walked out from his bedroom and hopped over to the door. He was about to open when he felt and heard the paper beneath his foot. The paper had distracted him completely from the door and he picked it up, not having remembered leaving any paper there earlier. He read through what seemed to be a letter addressed to him. To Joshu. There was only one person that ever called him by that name. The letters on the paper were neat, but they seemed to be all squished together in the words which made each word a little more difficult to read. It took Joshua nearly fifteen minutes to finally decipher ever word that was in the letter. The moment he had looked at it, he had recognized the letter to be from Cody. He knew that writing. Then there, at the bottom, was the boy's name to make it for sure.

Josh pressed his back to the wall, right beside the door and slowly slid down till he was seated on the floor. Once he knew what the letter said, he read it over and over and over again. He lifted his hand and pressed his fingers over his lips as all he could do was stare. I want to stop being the victim now. Would you still... do you still want to try? I'm a little broken, but I won't be forever. I like you a lot. Was this really from Cody? Had he really written these things out to Joshua? Was this the right Joshu? Was there even any other Joshu? The boy's breaths were shaky as he tried to work this all out in his head. He couldn't figure out if this meant what he thought it meant. He wanted to know if this letter meant that Cody would really try being with him. He felt his heart flutter at the thought and he forced himself back to his feet, trying to get back to his room.

It took a moment, but Joshua realized that he couldn't breathe. He was trying, but there just didn't seem to be air getting into his lungs and he felt so dizzy. He searched his room for his jacket and, stumbling, fell onto his bed before he could put the jacket on. When you see me again, could you kiss me? If it's a yes, I mean. The only word running through his mind was the word yes. He had to find Cody. He had to find him and kiss him and tell him that he would fix him. He wanted Cody to know that he wanted to be with him. But Joshua could barely stand. He sat up on the bed, deciding that, before he could see Cody, he had to calm down. Joshua wore a smile on his lips as he went for his laptop. He had to talk to Ru. He needed to tell the other man what was going on, what had just happened. And then he could calm down and then find Cody. If anyone was going to calm him and give him the confidence to actually go find Cody, it was Ru. So, after a long conversation and a couple of minutes involving crying of happiness and rolling on the floor, the laptop was closed and Joshua was out the door on his search for what he hoped would be his new- first, really- boyfriend.