Post by Charlie Walker on Mar 11, 2010 4:00:20 GMT -5
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Well excuse me while I get killed softly,
Hearts slow down and I can hardly tell you I'm okay
At least 'til yesterday,
You know you got me off my highest guard
Believe me when I say it's hard.
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Sometimes, Charlie would really just hate the things he did and what he thought. He wondered why, a lot of the time, he wouldn't let himself have something he wanted. It happened more often than not. When he wanted something, he refused to let himself have it. Either he was too shy or just didn't think he deserved it. For instance, maybe Charlie really wants to go somewhere with a friend, but they suggest somewhere else that they really want to go. He won't even speak up and make his suggestion. He wants the other people to be happy and wouldn't want to see them change where they wanted to go just because he made a suggestion. If it will make someone else unhappy, Charlie just refuses to get what he wants. It always happened to him and only happened more at La Campana because he was far too shy to talk to anyone else. You see, he wanted to talk to other people. Doing such would make him happy. But he didn't do it because he was afraid that, by talking to others, he would only be a nuisance. So he went with the plan he used back home in Canada. He hid himself away in his room almost every day. At this school, he didn't have any roommates yet. It wasn't that he didn't see them around, he just didn't have any. But he still found himself not wanting to lock himself inside. Since coming to La Campana, he was outside more and trying to hide himself away out there.
It was sunny outside and though it did get a bit chilly now and then, it was warm enough. But Charlie, no matter the temperature, wore a black hoodie over a light blue t-shirt along with baggy jeans that were very much too big for him, but he managed to keep them from hanging halfway down his butt like a lot of those scary guys. There was a black backpack over his shoulders that contained a wide variety of things. Pencils, books, papers, erasers. Okay, it wasn't that wide of a variety. It seemed to all be related to writing or even drawing. He was pretty sure there was an apple in there along with a granola bar or two. It was better to be prepared than to end up lost with no food or entertainment. The problem was that Charlie knew he was about to get lost. He had no clue about anywhere in Barcelona. Sure, he had a map of the city. But he wasn't about to go wander the city, he was about to go wander a forest.
There were so many things wrong with the idea of Charlie going into a forest. First, he was afraid of the dark. Second, he was terrified of being alone, especially in the dark. He was afraid of so many things that could relate to this forest. He feared when things jumped out at him and, in a forest, it was easy for someone or something to jump out of nowhere. He was also afraid of things that weren't supposed to exist. You know, vampires and werewolves. The real kinds, not the cheesy ripoff versions. Maybe if he saw a unicorn he wouldn't be so afraid. But not something that could kill him. If Charlie was so afraid of all those things, why would he dare want to enter a forest? The reason was because he kind of wanted to disappear. Forever? No... maybe not. He had Ero but another reason why he was coming here was because he was so afraid to be with Ero. He was so afraid that, if he tried to be with him too much, he'd look obsessed or clingy or like some sort of pathetic and childish stalker. Basically, Charlie was afraid that Ero would stop liking him if he tried to be with him too much. So Charlie was trying to get away. He hated being alone, but he didn't want to get in anyone's way and just be a bother.
Charlie could already feel his eyes tearing up at all his thoughts on being in the way and the possibility of Ero ever hating him. He stumbled in through the forest, trying to keep himself on the path so that he wouldn't end up lost forever to the point where he couldn't be found and ended up dead. So often, Charlie made himself depressed. Simple worrying over every little thing. He tried to stop. He was always trying to stop but he couldn't do it. So he would hide himself away and hope that all his worries would just disappear. Charlie froze and looked around, nervously biting at his lip and even making it bleed with the abuse he was giving to it. His walking stopped for a moment as he walked off the path, just a little bit and sat himself right in front of one of the many trees. The bag was tossed off beside him and he flopped over onto his side to curl up. His knees were tucked up close to his chest and his face was pressed in against the sleeve of his clothing to try and suppress his tears. Charlie just wanted to lay there awhile. He didn't want to leave until he was feeling okay. Surely, he wasn't okay right now. Then again, he was rarely okay. Meaning he'd have to go back to the school at some point, feeling better or not.
Word Count: 917
Comment: An unhappy Carly equals an unhappy Charlie thread. I was hoping that writing this would make me feel better. If someone replies then... thank you..? owo
Music: Nothing at the moment.
Tag: Open
